All the Times You Were Not There: A Memoir of Family, Failure and Faith from London's East End

In 1980s East London, families lived by an unspoken code. You can throw a punch to make a point, stolen goods make financial sense, and a few too many beers were par for the course. But you never abandon your family.

That was Emma Fowle's father's greatest mistake.

A champion powerlifter with a dangerous appetite for risk, he dragged his family into a world of steroids, cocaine, illegal raves, debt collecting, fraud and infidelity. Then, one day, he simply walked out - leaving behind a trail of chaos and questions that would take decades to untangle.

Set against the gritty backdrop of London's East End, All the Times You Were Not There is a raw and redemptive memoir about the cost of broken promises and the unexpected grace that can transform even the most fractured family story.

Through her Christian faith, Emma learns to reframe her past: not as a story of failure, but of survival, forgiveness and hope. With unflinching honesty and tender insight, she writes about what it means to grow up searching for love in the ruins and to find redemption where you least expect it.

For readers of Cathy Rentzenbrink, Dani Shapiro, and Lemn Sissay, this is a story about addiction, absence, and the long road home, told with warmth, courage and astonishing grace.