To See Yourself as You Vanish

Fierce, frank, witty poetry about cancer diagnosis, treatment, remission, and end-of-life

Written in the last three years of her life, Andrea Werblin Reid's To See Yourself As You Vanish is a collection of unsparingly brave and insightful poems about her experience with ovarian cancer. Frank, fierce, and witty, her work does not hide behind cliches, platitudes, or tropes, but addresses the hopes, frustrations, fears, and longings that would be easy to leave unspoken. She offers friendship and understanding to those who share her experiences and powerful insights for caregivers and those who work in oncology, hospice, research, and psychology. Of these poems, Reid herself said: "I have struggled with the implications of war metaphors and the perspectives they perpetuate since receiving my own cancer diagnosis. People living with cancer and other chronic illnesses are not taking up arms, they are living as long and as humanely as possible: not to win or lose, simply to live." The scenes in these poems are rich and spare, magical and sane, awful and special: "one bird comes to the end of his branch looking like a clever moustache. /one bird comes to the end of his song like an ordinary bird."

[sample poem]

THE COLOR OF WAITING

is hypnotic pink, under whose spell
you've been living for years
like a small fossilized creature.
or magenta, a bruise
that evolves, so you must
continue to adjust your secrets
waiting is rosy, a soft-spun
medical soundtrack of static
frizz, machine screech
then sharp as the serrated smiles
doctors have been honing for years.
waiting masquerades as the inflatable idea
of hope, waterproofed for safety, maybe,
devoid of vision, punctured that easily