You Suck!: A Personalized Improvement Manual

The gift book they fill out about you. Yes, before they give it to you.

Somebody bought this book, opened it to a checklist of 60 painfully familiar offenses, and checked boxes. About someone they know. Possibly you.

Here's how it works:

The GIVER checks every box that applies: Always Late. Steals Fries. Never Apologizes. Leaves 2 Minutes on the Microwave. Talks During Movies. Thinks Rules Don't Apply. They star the worst one. They add dates. Then they wrap it.

The RECIPIENT reads only the checked chapters, each a single hilarious, weirdly caring page: what you're doing, why everyone's noticed, and how to actually stop.

Inside you'll find:

• A 60-offense interactive checklist with printed verdict stamps (LOW-KEY VILLAIN, EXHAUSTING, TRUST LEAK, THIS IS THE ONE WE MEAN)
• Three escalating sections: Misdemeanors, Felonies, and Crimes Against Humanity
• One-page chapters that roast first and genuinely help second
• Write-in space for the giver's receipts, because "Always Late" hits differently with a date next to it
• An ending that has no business being as sincere as it is

It reads like Deadpool and a therapist co-wrote a Hallmark card. The jokes get you through the door. The last three pages are why people keep it.

Perfect for: birthdays, White Elephant, Secret Santa, roommates, siblings, coworkers, spouses, group chats, and anyone who ever left one drop in the coffee pot.

Because nobody buys a repair manual for a person they've given up on.

Check the boxes. Wrap it. Maintain eye contact.