Calories Don't Count When...: Women's Hilarious Stories About Food & Survival

You already know the rules. A calorie is a calorie. Math is math. The nutrition label does not care what kind of day you had, who forgot your birthday, how long you sat in that waiting room, or what your coworker Karen said in the staff meeting.

The nutrition label is wrong.

Calories Don't Count When... contains 40 hilarious, honest, and entirely true stories from women across the country who have done the real math. The math that accounts for a 12-hour nursing shift, an ex who still has your bowl, a pediatrician appointment that lasted two and a half hours, a thunderstorm, Mercury in retrograde, and a cheese board eaten alone at 11pm on a Tuesday for no reason whatsoever except that she wanted it.

These women revised the math. They zeroed out the calories. In special cases they reversed them entirely and saved them for the future.

Organized into six sections including Workplace Offenses, Relationship Crimes, Motherhood Survival, Just Because I Wanted It, Acts of God, and Social Situations, this book covers every scenario in which the standard caloric calculation simply does not apply.

It is a love letter to every meal eaten standing at the counter, in the car, in the dark, in the stairwell, or directly from the pan. No judgment. No math. No refunds.

You were warned. Now eat something.