Ankle Deep in Ashes: A Smokejumper's Memoir of Depression and Ptsd

Growing up, Gary was an outdoor enthusiast who sought peace in the landscapes of the mountains, tall trees, and desert plains. It was during those formative years he developed a profound appreciation for nature and its preservation. He also had a determination and passion to take the road less traveled and pursue a profession that blended beautifully his love of nature. His adventurous ambition created the platform to become part of an elite profession, a smokejumper for the United State Forest Service-a specialized group of firefighters who parachute into remote areas to combat wildfires at a moment's notice. A smokejumper is always at the ready to respond nationally to wildland fire needs. Gary formed lifelong bonds with his fellow jumpers. They relied on each other for survival, and the camaraderie was palpable. This was all part of what it was to be a Family, a chosen family.
The trauma of witnessing devastation, the constant risk of injury or death, and the weight of responsibility for protecting people and land began to manifest in Gary's psyche. He started experiencing nightmares, flashbacks, and anxiety attacks-all symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The once-thriving outdoorsman was now struggling to find peace in the very environments that once brought him solace. As Gary's PTSD worsened with the loss of a peer, he turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism. At first, it seemed to dull the pain, but soon it became an addiction that threatened to consume him. His relationships began to fray, and his performance on the job suffered. The Brotherhood that had once been his rock now felt like a distant memory.
One fateful day, Gary hit rock bottom and knew he would die if he didn't make a purposeful choice for his life, so he could live. It was then that he realized he needed help. With the support of his loved ones, he embarked on a journey of recovery. He confronted his demons, learned to manage his PTSD, and slowly began to rebuild his life. The road to redemption was long and arduous, but Gary persisted. He reconnected with old friends and formed new ones, people who supported him in his recovery. With time, he found a new sense of purpose-one that didn't involve parachuting into danger.